Signs of Controlling and Abusive Behavior
Jealousy – Not a healthy part of love, but a need to control.

Controlling Behaviors – Starts as concern; “I need to know where you are all the time because I care so much”-- and grows to control for the sake of control.

Quick Involvement – The need to get really serious really quickly with sudden commitments.

Unrealistic Expectations – Expecting partner to meet all his needs, not just companionship.

Isolation – Cut off access and contact with outside support and resources, especially other influences.

Blaming Others – Problems and abusive behaviors are always someone else’s fault. Achievement or change for the better is blocked by others.

Feelings Blamed on Others - “You made me so angry I couldn’t help it.”

Inability to Handle Frustration – Blows up at small obstacles, tantrums over challenges.

Cruelty and Destruction – Cruel responses and treatment of pets or other people. Breaking personal property and excusing it.

Belittling Others – Putting people down whenever they disagree or challenge. Systematically undermines/seeks to destroy self-esteem of partner.

Forced Sex – Presented playfully or as the best style; may be painful but always in control of action and responses.

Rigid Gender Roles and Stereotypes – Women expected to do this as women; work, parent, service roles rigidly defined; submission expected and required.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – Explosive behavior or severe moodiness alternating with sweetness and gentle care.

Abusive Behavior in the past – Of or by any relationship but especially intimate partners or siblings.

Threats of Violence - Used to get own way or reinforce a point. May threaten partner with personal harm or harm to children, family, friends, etc.

Physical Force in Arguments – Tendency to get physical in a verbal situation.